I am currently homeless. I really am looking for a place to live, but I think the fact that I ignore all the ads with the words "BYU Approved" and "LDS standards" severely limits my options. Still, I have some leads. And by that I mean I have one lead. I hope it works out.
I've decided to change the gay or not gay game. I'm going to stop asking and start telling, because I always know what's up. Joe Biden is SO un-gay and such a pimp! He's so cool that he's probably bisexual. Oh, this just in...breaking news from my pants to my brain...Joe Biden = DEFINITELY bisexual.
I've been watching Joe Biden youtube videos for like an hour. The guy cracks me up. He seems like kind of a dick, but a really funny dick. Which is my favorite kind of dick. Some of my favorite Joe Biden quotes...
"You cannot go to a 7-11 or Dunkin Donuts unless you have a slight Indian Accent."
"Dennis Kucinich, the thing I like most about you is your wife."
"I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy. I mean, that's a storybook, man." (uhh...ever heard of Wayne Brady, Biden?)
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Memories
I just got done reading all of my old blog posts and wow, I can be funny if I try really hard! I also used to blog a lot more. But I think I'm getting a new computer...which means more bloggage and more laughs for you. Well, probably just more laughs for me. I really enjoy laughing at my own hijinks. The most annoying old blog posts are the ones about The L Word because they don't hold up! I don't even know anyone who watches that show anymore. BUT, I have been watching 5th season and I know I shouldn't blog about it but oh man I want to. Because there's no one to talk to about it. Because I don't know anyone who watches it, you know?!?!?! But I won't do it. Except, I'll just say, that most of my season 5 predictions were incorrect...WTF? Those writers are all on crack, which makes them unpredictable.
Ilene Chaiken, creator of The L Word, gay or not gay? I'm going to go against the grain here and say that she just hasn't met the right man yet.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Trolls
What the F is up with Trolls?
I am in Canada. This might be the second time I've blogged from Canada, I don't know what's up with that either. My brother is going to school in Nelson, British Columbia so I'm visiting for a few days. There are so many damn hippies here. I usually don't have much against hippies but they are annoying me so much. The hippies I hate most are hippie parents. Like, young hippie couples with babies who let their babies name themselves and pick out their own clothes, which is usually, like, a brown paper sack or something. Hippies make terrible parents.
Barack Obama...gay or not gay? Not gay. Michelle? Gay.
I am in Canada. This might be the second time I've blogged from Canada, I don't know what's up with that either. My brother is going to school in Nelson, British Columbia so I'm visiting for a few days. There are so many damn hippies here. I usually don't have much against hippies but they are annoying me so much. The hippies I hate most are hippie parents. Like, young hippie couples with babies who let their babies name themselves and pick out their own clothes, which is usually, like, a brown paper sack or something. Hippies make terrible parents.
Barack Obama...gay or not gay? Not gay. Michelle? Gay.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
jkasdfjkweikdkfznf,dmfnjefher23jdf
I'm in still Utah. WHY???? I think one time I said that SLC was only 10% mormon because I heard that somewhere. Well that's total bullshit, I'm pretty sure. Also, before I moved here, I had nothing at all against Mormons. Now I think they're bullshit. Well, ok, I'm generalizing. Not all of them are bad. There are a bunch of really cool ones, kind of.
Wait, so, why am I still here?
I don't have an answer to that. I like my job a lot (shout out to JD). I have a few good friends. Uhhhhh. Uhhh....ummmm...that's all I got. But I guess having a job that I like is pretty important, right? I mean, I've never really had that before.
It is the middle of the summer right now and it is really hot. I want to beat the summer heat, just like a woman.
I saw the movie Wanted today. I don't have anything to say about it. Except...Morgan Freeman...gay or not gay? Discuss and keep an open mind about this one. Because, the obvious answer is not gay but how well do you know Morgan Freeman?? Let's explore all of our options .
Wait, so, why am I still here?
I don't have an answer to that. I like my job a lot (shout out to JD). I have a few good friends. Uhhhhh. Uhhh....ummmm...that's all I got. But I guess having a job that I like is pretty important, right? I mean, I've never really had that before.
It is the middle of the summer right now and it is really hot. I want to beat the summer heat, just like a woman.
I saw the movie Wanted today. I don't have anything to say about it. Except...Morgan Freeman...gay or not gay? Discuss and keep an open mind about this one. Because, the obvious answer is not gay but how well do you know Morgan Freeman?? Let's explore all of our options .
Friday, November 9, 2007
update for Zoe
I am only doing this for Zoe.
I'm not INTENTIONALLY abandoning this blog.
I honestly just don't have anything interesting or funny to write about.
NOT!!!!
Something hilarious happened to me a couple weeks ago.
I came home from work one day and my roommate was like, "Uh, go look in the bathroom." And I did. And it was flooded. With poop water. There was poop in the toilet. And it was flowing out onto the floor. Totally disgusting. Then we found that the water from the floor of the bathroom was seeping through the wall and into Ashley's room. Ashley is my roommate, and the first to witness the bathroom incident. So, her carpet was totally wet from poopy water. Ashley was like, "It wasn't me." And I was like, "It wasn't me." And she was like, "It wasn't Carissa. It must have been Katie." So, Ashley called our landlord, who is a total idiot/dirtbag/loser/doofus-brain. Then she was all..."Hey I gotta go to a study group so you're going to have to deal with Mike (the landlord)" and I was like, "Aww...aw brah! Brah!" But I'm a pushover so I was like, ok whatever. Then Mike came over and he fixed the toilet and it took him like 10 hours. Then he came out and he was like, "Now that that's done maybe you can give me a backrub" and I was like, "Excuse me?". And he was like, "Some background. Maybe you can give me some background." I don't know if I misheard him at first or if he really is that douchey. He probably really is that douchey. So I was like, "I don't have any background. I just came home and the bathroom was like that. I don't know anymore than you do." And then he proceeded to make me use MY towels to clean up the bathroom floor and to help him rip up all the carpet in ashley's room, carry bricks in from outside to prop it up, and use my fan to blow on it all night. Not only this but he had his, like, 4 year old daughter helping us with all of this too. He had her help with the fixing of the poopy toilet also. That seems like child abuse to me. Anyway, then Katie came home and she was like, "WTF?!?!?!?" except she would never actually say that because she's Mormon. But, she said that she didn't do it either. Then Mike was like, "Well, someone just isn't fessin' up to this! You guys try to find out who it is! I know it's a hard thing to admit to but maybe some people have just grown up in brand new houses and never had to use plungers so they just didn't know what to do." Then he left and we were like...OMG. What a douche. Then, everyone got home and we were all like, omg what happened. And I told them the story about mike and his...mikeness. Then I remembered something. One of our upstairs roommates has a new fiancee (sp?) named Dan. A couple of the other upstairs girls have been telling me stories recently about how several times in the past couple of weeks, they have had to plunge the toilet upstairs because of Dan. Which is totally gross. Not only does he plug the upstairs toilet up and get poop all over it, but he reads THEIR BOOKS on the toilet!! Ew! So, I remembered this. And I told the downstairs girls (I live in the basement with 3 other girls and there are 3 girls upstairs) and we decided that Brittany probably got onto Dan for the clogging of the upstairs toilet, so he came downstairs, clogged OUR toilet, tried to flush it several times, didn't plunge, and left the scene of the crime. Totally gross. So, then, earlier this week, Ashley called our landlord and she was like, "My room smells musty and it's gross. I want some rent deducted from my account." And he was like, "No. It's not my fault that you girls don't know how to use a plunger."
My landlord, Mike. Gay or not gay?
I actually say not gay. He's just too douchey to be gay. He's probably asexual. My OTHER landlord, Larry, though. Or property manager or whatever he is. That is another story. He is so gay.
I'm not INTENTIONALLY abandoning this blog.
I honestly just don't have anything interesting or funny to write about.
NOT!!!!
Something hilarious happened to me a couple weeks ago.
I came home from work one day and my roommate was like, "Uh, go look in the bathroom." And I did. And it was flooded. With poop water. There was poop in the toilet. And it was flowing out onto the floor. Totally disgusting. Then we found that the water from the floor of the bathroom was seeping through the wall and into Ashley's room. Ashley is my roommate, and the first to witness the bathroom incident. So, her carpet was totally wet from poopy water. Ashley was like, "It wasn't me." And I was like, "It wasn't me." And she was like, "It wasn't Carissa. It must have been Katie." So, Ashley called our landlord, who is a total idiot/dirtbag/loser/doofus-brain. Then she was all..."Hey I gotta go to a study group so you're going to have to deal with Mike (the landlord)" and I was like, "Aww...aw brah! Brah!" But I'm a pushover so I was like, ok whatever. Then Mike came over and he fixed the toilet and it took him like 10 hours. Then he came out and he was like, "Now that that's done maybe you can give me a backrub" and I was like, "Excuse me?". And he was like, "Some background. Maybe you can give me some background." I don't know if I misheard him at first or if he really is that douchey. He probably really is that douchey. So I was like, "I don't have any background. I just came home and the bathroom was like that. I don't know anymore than you do." And then he proceeded to make me use MY towels to clean up the bathroom floor and to help him rip up all the carpet in ashley's room, carry bricks in from outside to prop it up, and use my fan to blow on it all night. Not only this but he had his, like, 4 year old daughter helping us with all of this too. He had her help with the fixing of the poopy toilet also. That seems like child abuse to me. Anyway, then Katie came home and she was like, "WTF?!?!?!?" except she would never actually say that because she's Mormon. But, she said that she didn't do it either. Then Mike was like, "Well, someone just isn't fessin' up to this! You guys try to find out who it is! I know it's a hard thing to admit to but maybe some people have just grown up in brand new houses and never had to use plungers so they just didn't know what to do." Then he left and we were like...OMG. What a douche. Then, everyone got home and we were all like, omg what happened. And I told them the story about mike and his...mikeness. Then I remembered something. One of our upstairs roommates has a new fiancee (sp?) named Dan. A couple of the other upstairs girls have been telling me stories recently about how several times in the past couple of weeks, they have had to plunge the toilet upstairs because of Dan. Which is totally gross. Not only does he plug the upstairs toilet up and get poop all over it, but he reads THEIR BOOKS on the toilet!! Ew! So, I remembered this. And I told the downstairs girls (I live in the basement with 3 other girls and there are 3 girls upstairs) and we decided that Brittany probably got onto Dan for the clogging of the upstairs toilet, so he came downstairs, clogged OUR toilet, tried to flush it several times, didn't plunge, and left the scene of the crime. Totally gross. So, then, earlier this week, Ashley called our landlord and she was like, "My room smells musty and it's gross. I want some rent deducted from my account." And he was like, "No. It's not my fault that you girls don't know how to use a plunger."
My landlord, Mike. Gay or not gay?
I actually say not gay. He's just too douchey to be gay. He's probably asexual. My OTHER landlord, Larry, though. Or property manager or whatever he is. That is another story. He is so gay.
Sunday, August 5, 2007
Monday, April 9, 2007
Rehab part Two and the Reasons that Canada Rocks
Top 10 Reasons why Canadians are Happier than Americans
I'm moving to Canada. After I get out of rehab. By the way, I'm going to rehab. Again. That is for those of you who I don't call. If you didn't receive a call from me (and if I don't call you before Wednesday morning then it's not going to happen), it means that I don't love you.
Just kidding. I do love you. I probably just ran out of time because I insist on putting everything off to the last minute. Always. Don't be offended.
Also, you should know that I'm only going to rehab to further my celebrity. It's chic.
I'll be on hiatus for 3 months. I MIGHT get internet access on weekends at some point. But I'm not sure. And it might only be for email. We'll see.
- Prius Taxi Cabs
- Free Health Care
- Tegan and Sara. Also, Ryan Gosling.
- Street names like "Otter Point" and "Timberdoodle Lane" are common place.
- Prius Taxi Cabs
- Prius Taxi Cabs
- Prius Taxi Cabs
- Prius Taxi Cabs
- Prius Taxi Cabs
- PRIUS TAXI CABS!!
I'm moving to Canada. After I get out of rehab. By the way, I'm going to rehab. Again. That is for those of you who I don't call. If you didn't receive a call from me (and if I don't call you before Wednesday morning then it's not going to happen), it means that I don't love you.
Just kidding. I do love you. I probably just ran out of time because I insist on putting everything off to the last minute. Always. Don't be offended.
Also, you should know that I'm only going to rehab to further my celebrity. It's chic.
I'll be on hiatus for 3 months. I MIGHT get internet access on weekends at some point. But I'm not sure. And it might only be for email. We'll see.
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